I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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