Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
