After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
