I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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