I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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