I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
