I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
