It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
