I bet he comes in French.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
