if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
there is glitter all over my balls
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
