Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
