Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
