I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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