it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
