Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
