i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
