I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
