after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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