Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
