There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
