Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
