you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
FUCK WHALES
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
