I want to stick my p in your. b.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
