The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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