Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
