her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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