I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
