She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
