no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
