This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
