thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
