I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
