things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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