all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
