Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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