He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
