i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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