Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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