so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
