i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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