i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize