I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
