Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
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Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
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THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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