I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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