and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
