Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
