I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
