Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
When are your genitals available?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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