She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
