I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
