Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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