What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
