She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
