My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
