This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
