Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
