It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
