I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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