his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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