dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
