Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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