He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
