eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
