Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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