yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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