yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
