its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
