How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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