but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
