dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
