I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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