Quick, to the slutcave!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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