I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
