Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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